It is so hard to be a mama, even in the best circumstances. Trust me when I say every age and every stage has its challenges. But watching your neurodivergent child being mistreated by others, including other children, parents, and teachers, is a whole new level of hurt.

I’ve already shared that my youngest, Grayson, was born addicted and has a whole alphabet soup of diagnoses. I guess the overarching diagnosis he has is autism.

What you think autism is and what it actually is are completely different things. Autism is a SPECTRUM disorder. That means autistic people might have things in common (low frustration threshold, need to organize things in their environment, for example), but no two people with autism are exactly the same.

In Grayson’s case, impulse control is one of his biggest struggles. I send him to his room for misbehaving. He removes the bar from his window and throws his toys out into the yard. There’s no discernible reason he can give when I ask him why he did this. His standard answer is, “I don’t know.” His doctor has assured me that he’s being honest and he probably doesn’t know why he does different things.

And aren’t we always hearing people talk about how kids are cruel? Well, I’m here to tell you, kids are not born cruel. They learn this at home. Children are a reflection of their parents. If kids are bullies, you can count on it that their parents are, too. When they treat the children they feel are weaker with disdain or contempt, they learned this at home.

Grayson can be very annoying. (Like any other kid.) He always wants to play with his “friends”. I know the parents get tired of him. Because they’ve told me so. Which probably means their children have also heard them say things like that.

He knows all the bad words. (And if your kid goes to public school, so do they.) When he’s cornered he lashes out. He gives his most precious things away in hopes that this will make someone want to be his friend. And the kids are well aware of this. Still, they gladly accept whatever he’s giving away that day, whether it’s Pokémon or cash.

For me, the heartbreaking thing is that Grayson can’t help himself. He didn’t choose this. We’re doing our best with him. He has a lot of resources. But he’ll always be Grayson.

And there’s so much that’s good about Grayson. He’s funny. He loves hard. And he’d do anything for the people he cares about. He loves basketball and the great outdoors. He’s a good little fisherman. He’s great at mental math. He has a loving spirit (in spite of all the trauma.)

If you know someone like Grayson, I urge you to make a point of being kind to them. Encourage your children to be kind to them. Treat them with respect and dignity. And never forget that words have power.

I will leave you with this:

“The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’” ~ Matthew 25:40 NIV