Another Foster Care Story

Our son, Grayson, is adopted. He came to live with us through foster care when he was eight months old. There were no transition visits. We tried to meet him and his foster mom on one of our court visits, but weren’t allowed. So they literally just handed us a baby, asked us to sign some papers, and waved goodbye.

I did call the foster mother prior to bringing him home to ask about sleep habits, foods, vaccines, etc. She said she rocked him to sleep every night. I was told she’d started him on solid foods and he especially liked green beans.

But when we brought him home, we quickly realized someone wasn’t being honest. He wouldn’t eat anything. He also wouldn’t tolerate being held and rocked. He woke up at least once an hour for milk.

(I do think it’s important to take a little detour here. Bear with me—it is relevant.)

I think it was the day after we got Grayson that i received a Facebook friend request from an older woman. (Name withheld for privacy.) I was working as a photographer and got lots of friend requests. I accepted the majority of them.

A message popped up straightaway. She told me that she and her daughter were Grayson’s babysitters and they’d like to be able to keep up with him. I asked some questions about what his situation had actually been like.

This is when I learned that foster mom was only present for bio mom’s court-ordered visits. Grayson did not live with her. He lived in an unlicensed, unregulated, and inadequate home that was not even a respite home.

We couldn’t figure out how that happened. A social worker had been regularly visiting our home from the beginning—even though we didn’t have a foster child. How could a social worker miss this??

Well lemme tell ya. The actual social worker ended up getting arrested for trafficking crystal meth while our case was ongoing. That explained a lot.

And now Grayson’s brother has gone into care. He’s fifteens months older. Truthfully, though, at twelve he looks and sounds like a world-weary traveler. He’s much more worldly than Grayson. That boy has seen some stuff.

For a million reasons, we cannot take him on a permanent basis. With the primary reason being my poor health. Bringing him here and not being well enough to get him and give him what he needs is the wrong thing to do. I know this. Still my heart is crushing under the weight of it. And there’s not a single other person who’ll stand in the gap for him.

I am committed to fostering the relationship between the brothers. We will spend as much time with him as we reasonably can. He’s already been to visit us twice, the last time for three nights! We had yummy dinners, we shopped,, played, watched basketball, talked, laughed—so many things. There are a couple of photos I’ll share. And, as I’ve heard so many times: Be the person you needed when you were a child.